SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLJets Impressed By How Quickly Aaron Rodgers Complaining About RosterNEW YORK—Complimenting the quarterback for the speed with which he’d acclimated to their team, members of the New…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLBryce Young Calls Friends, Family To Let Them Know He’s Completely FuckedKANSAS CITY, MO—After being selected by the Carolina Panthers with the first pick of the 2023 NFL Draft, University…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLRoger Goodell: ‘With The First Pick Of The 2023 NFL Draft The Carolina Panthers Select Quarterback Roger Goodell’
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLPanicked Mel Kiper Realizes He Left NFL Draft Big Board In UberKANSAS CITY, MO—Overcome by anxiety after his frantic search turned up nothing, ESPN analyst Mel Kiper Jr.…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLAaron Rodgers Urges Jets To Trade Every Pick After Numerological Study Reveals Terrible OmensNEW YORK—In an effort to help the team that recently traded for him, quarterback Aaron Rodgers is said to have urged…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLBears GM Focused On Drafting Players Who Can Help Justin Fields Up After Sack
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLOwner Thanks Fans For Countless Years Of Supporting Team Through Tax BreaksMINNEAPOLIS—Telling the legions of supporters that he couldn’t have done it without them, Minnesota Vikings owner…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLBrowns GM: ‘If I Could Go Back, I’d Offer Deshaun Watson More Money’CLEVELAND—Asked if he had any regrets about the fully guaranteed five-year, $230 million deal the team gave the…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLNFL Owners Announce Secret Meeting To Make Sure They Aren’t Colluding Against Lamar JacksonPHOENIX—In an effort to investigate claims that they were conspiring to suppress the market for the Baltimore Ravens…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLAaron Rodgers Mentions He’s Only Heard Great Conspiracy Theories About New York
SportsFootballNCAASportsFootballNCAABrowns Impressed With Jalen Carter’s Reckless Disregard For LifeCLEVELAND—Saying they were considering trading up on draft day in order to select the Georgia Bulldogs defensive…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLAaron Rodgers Reflects On Life Choices After Jets Emerge As Only Potential Suitor
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLNew NFL Combine Drill Tests Player’s Ability To Half-Ass Taping Of Local Sandwich Shop CommercialINDIANAPOLIS—In an effort to gain a fuller picture of prospective players and ensure they would be good fits for the…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFL‘I Hope Joe Burrow Takes A Team-Friendly Deal,’ Says Fan Who Will Be Laid Off Without SeveranceWOOSTER, OH—With the Cincinnati Bengals quarterback’s future uncertain going into the final year of his contract,…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLBaltimore Ravens Top ESPN’s Way-Too-Late 2012 NFL Power RankingsBRISTOL, CT—ESPN reportedly encouraged their readers to debate a new list the site published Wednesday, declaring…
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLNick Sirianni Shows Why Andy Reid Was Right To Drop His Ass As Chiefs Wide Receivers Coach In 2012
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLChiefs Second Super Bowl Win Proves Anything Possible If You Don’t Trade Up To Draft Mitch Trubisky